What does “EPA” stand for? Submitted by Tammy L. Endlish, owner and environmental consultant, Endlish Environmental North Coast Business Journal “Eliminate Progress in America” is one suggestion offered in Environmental Humor by Gerry Rich (Unit Supervisor in Ohio EPA’s Division of Air Pollution Control in Bowling Green). Much wisdom and insight into the Ohio Environmental Protection Agency (yes, that “EPA”) can be gleaned from Gerry’s compilation of some of the wittiest quips heard on the job. No matter how much effort is spent in ensuring compliance with environmental regulations, nothing breeds fear in the heart more than the phrase “EPA inspection”. Few calmly sit back in the chair and say “bring it on”. But there is something you should know about Ohio EPA employees: they are people too! In fact, most Ohio EPA employees are happy if they do not find a violation at your facility (although admittedly there are some exceptions). Diligent workers, they are duty-bound to conduct a complete inspection. But it is more enjoyable (and easier) to write a nice “all units were found to be operating in compliance” letter than a “notice of violation (NOV)”. There are no rewards for finding violations although the blatant ones do provide fodder for lunch conversations now that “Seinfeld” is done. Most Ohio EPA inspectors are also permit writers. Therefore, while they are inspecting facilities, the paperwork at the office piles up. Everything is a priority! Then the phone rings—the caller lives near a facility and is bothered by the __ [fill in the blank: noise, odor, dust, truck traffic, truckers watching them sunbathe, etc.]. Each complaint needs to be investigated. Sometimes a quick call to the facility can resolve the issue. Often an inspection, sampling, research, area surveys, letters, revised permits, appeals to revised permits, and hearings follow. Sometimes Ohio EPA is successful at identifying and resolving the problem. Sometimes Ohio EPA is used as a weapon in a neighborhood spat or a pawn in a divorce. “Everyone wants us to pick [the pollution] up but no one wants us to put it down” [Environmental Humor]. It is an oft frustrating and thankless job albeit personally rewarding. I know this because I was an Ohio EPA employee for over 10 years. In fact, I still suffer from phone phobia! Two years ago, I had to resign when my husband was transferred to Lear-Huron. Hopping the proverbial fence, I started my own environmental consulting company called Endlish Environmental. Now I have the best of both worlds—more time at home with my family and a business that I truly enjoy. Ohio is fortunate to be served by the dedicated team of professionals that comprises Ohio EPA. A day in the life of Ohio EPA is not always full of environmental humor. There are some things that you can do to help: submit complete permit applications as soon as possible, comply with the permit (not just the part(s) that make sense), and submit your reports on time. How many hats are you wearing? Let Endlish Environmental lighten your load and hit the ground running on your environmental project. You might even find that I can bring a little environmental humor into your life! ***** Tammy Endlish is the owner of Endlish Environmental, an environmental consulting firm located in Huron and serving Northern Ohio. Visit our website at www.endlish.com or call 419-504-2744 (toll free at 877-248-1285) for more information.